In the late 1970′s, I joined with a group of educators and psychotherapists to find new, unchartered pathways to mental and emotional health. It seemed to us then, as it does now, that talking in the form of counseling has severe limitations. Talking can be very comforting if you find a therapist who genuinely likes you and enjoys your company. And truly that experience can be priceless.
But talking has its limits. If you had a problem with the brakes in your car, you would expect your mechanic to do more than just talk about your brake problem. Similarly, if you are suffering from ongoing mental and emotional imbalances, you need a solution that fixes the problem. In the spirit of the mechanic who opens up the hood of the car to find and fix the problem, we began a research effort to uncover and solve the sources of mental and emotional distress.
To achieve this goal, we defined a set of parameters that are essential for one to experience stable and long-lasting mental and emotional health. Among these parameters, and perhaps among the most powerful, is an inner sense of self-worth. Self-worth is the greatest gift a parent can give to a child. Yet, all too often, especially in busy, industrialized societies, this powerful gift is not conveyed. To experience inner self-worth, children must experience unconditional love.
Unconditional love means that parents convey to children that they are loved just because they are alive, not for anything else. In rare families, the parents are well enough themselves and capable of giving their children this experience. But all too often parents are overtaxed with their own personal problems, relationship imbalances, financial responsibilities, health problems, etc and this all important message of personal self-worth communicated through unconditional love is lost.
Many children discover early-on that the best way to survive in their families is to adapt to and adjust to, and often carry, the difficulties of their parents. In these cases, the message that is received by the child is something like: “I love you as long as you don’t ask for too much” or “I support you as long as you help me carry my problems.” In these cases, parents convey messages that say: “Don’t be you.” “Don’t be a bother.” “Don’t interrupt.” “Don’t ask for too much.” “Don’t speak up for yourself.” etc.
Self-Worth is the feeling that you are absolutely okay as you are. You have the feeling that what you feel and what you think is valid and that you deserve to have your needs met. In our research, we found that many more people are walking around without inner self-worth than actually have this internal experience. When parents do not convey a sense of self-worth, they own their children forever because the children are chronically seeking the approval required to fulfill that sense of self-worth. That approval seeking mechanism is transferred to all other relationships as well. The children are, in a sense, caught in an electromagnetic loop. In the world of particle physics, these relationships look like what Einstein called “spooky connections” where particles that appear to have no apparent connecting lines are reactive in reference to each other.
In reality you and I have always been okay just as we are. It is my hope that if this information rings any bells it might be just what is needed to set some readers free. Self-worth is a priceless commodity. We found that knowing these things helped many people recover from their childhood experiences and find a sense of self-worth in adult life. You are and always have been worth it! We have also developed a series of instruments to help support mental and emotional balance. You can check us out at www.ichingsystemsinstruments.com and email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Email today and become part of an ongoing series of free teleconferences.
Disclaimer: These Instruments are for experimental purposes only, and the FDA has not approved/evaluated these tools, resources, recommendations, and/or aids. All products, procedures, and information are not intended to diagnose, treat, mitigate, prevent, and/or cure any disease. None of the products, procedures, and information replaces or substitutes for the advice of a practicing medical doctor. See a qualified practicing MD for any disease or medical condition.